hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
