His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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