you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
