im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
time to smoke my breakfast
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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