when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
