see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
