That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
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