I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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