do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
