So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
