youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
