My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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