We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
