She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
