She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Randomize