He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Randomize
