he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
