Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
