So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
