he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
