I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I supernannyed him into submission
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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