I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I wish you could order shots online.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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