I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
