How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize