So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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