he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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