I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
