I need help removing her.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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