I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
