I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
