Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
