Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
