My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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