we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
