they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Randomize
