And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize