Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
