Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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