I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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