There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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