This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
