I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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