im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
