Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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