ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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