I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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