You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
