Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
