FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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