I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
