we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
