I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
