she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
