True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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