Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
