I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
