the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
