ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
