There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
