I smell stomach acid.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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