so explain again why im purple
no
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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