i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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