He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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