her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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