the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
There r osticjed everywhere
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
