tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
