I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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