Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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