i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize