she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize