Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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