You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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