Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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