I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize