so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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