Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize