i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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