If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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