what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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