the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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