she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
