okay pat passed out under dana's car
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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