just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
