Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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