Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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