Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
