I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
