It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
