Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
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