I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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