just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
