Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We had sex on a dog bed..
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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