New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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