we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize