I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
