I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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